Satire

Please Support My Two Week Hawaiian Missions Trip

Dear Friends and Family,

When my Twitter ministry failed to find traction earlier this year, I realized I misheard the Lord’s voice. He does not want me to start a Twitter ministry after all. I guess, as I say it out loud, the idea of a Twitter ministry sounds ludicrous. If God were to launch a social media ministry, he would probably stick with LinkedIn. Most of those users have jobs.

Anyway, God is calling me to Hawaii.

I know what you’re thinking, “Kevin, for how long and how can I help?”

Great questions. God wants to send me to Hawaii for two weeks. It is not a very long time, which makes it incredibly convenient and easy to commit. Really, I don’t have to sacrifice much. Spiritual commitments that require only short term sacrifices, I find, are usually best.

But the time is plenty and the impact immense! Building long lasting relationships, for instance, will serve as a primary purpose in this two week period. Not only will I minister to lost locals, but I will also bring the Light to all first class flight crew as well as hotel and restaurant staff (at least, those who speak proper English).

More specifically:

The game plan

Days 1-4: Spread the Gospel exclusively to surfing instructors. No doubt, they are empty, sinful creatures. I will “act” as a normal customer. I will partake in the surfing instructions. I will even surf. Because as Paul says, “If they surf, you must become a surfer.”

Days 5-7: Continue to surf; when done, visit schools and poor villages for premium photo ops

Day 8: Hike a volcano

Days 9-10: Inevitably, hide from the sun to heal your sun burns (God doesn’t always make it easy, does He?)

Days 11-12: Leave gospel tracts for God to work his magic to sushi cooks and barkeeps in some scenic strip of town

Days 13-14: Shopping (more…)

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Coming Clean (and Other Updates)

#1. The Twitter Ministry was a satiric joke. My apologies to anyone offended/interested in helping my faux cause.

#2. I passed my Econ final. Yes! Remember that one test (or class) I cried about? Totally passed it. Thank you for the prayers and for the confidence boosters along the way.

#3. My annual Winter Break video-game veg-out has begun: Batman: Arkham City. So far, it’s awesome. I get to pretend to be Batman for a few hours everyday. Watch out, Batkid.

#4. My wife goes to work while I stay at home and play video games.

SIDE NOTE: Delete #4

#6. I have seemed to misplace #5.

#7. Today, I watched a new music video for an indie-rock band called Tokyo Police Club. I have a couple of their albums; however, I haven’t listened to them in a year or longer. It turns out, they are still around and are making great music. Check out their intriguing new video HERE. (more…)

Please Support My Tweeting Ministry

It’s 2014. God has finally set a fire in my heart. I’m here to serve, we’re all here to serve, and there’s no better day than today. Amen! Hallelujah! I’ve been asking for direction: “Lord, show me a need that I can fill.”

After months of waiting, the Lord responded and I heard it clear: “Send.”

“Hit send?”

And the Lord again said, “Send”

“You want me to hit send? Tweet?”

The Lord wants me to start a tweeting ministry. Whatever sacrifices I have to make, I’ll make. So far, I’ve quit my job and left school. Praise God! It’s been hard, but when the Lord calls us into hard times, there is no choice but to trust Him and follow.

What?

is a tweeting ministry, you ask? Let me run you through it.

Step 1: Begin each day with prayer, asking God to reveal his wisdom

Step 2: Edit God’s wisdom into 140 characters or less  (more…)