Dear Friends and Family,

When my Twitter ministry failed to find traction earlier this year, I realized I misheard the Lord’s voice. He does not want me to start a Twitter ministry after all. I guess, as I say it out loud, the idea of a Twitter ministry sounds ludicrous. If God were to launch a social media ministry, he would probably stick with LinkedIn. Most of those users have jobs.

Anyway, God is calling me to Hawaii.

I know what you’re thinking, “Kevin, for how long and how can I help?”

Great questions. God wants to send me to Hawaii for two weeks. It is not a very long time, which makes it incredibly convenient and easy to commit. Really, I don’t have to sacrifice much. Spiritual commitments that require only short term sacrifices, I find, are usually best.

But the time is plenty and the impact immense! Building long lasting relationships, for instance, will serve as a primary purpose in this two week period. Not only will I minister to lost locals, but I will also bring the Light to all first class flight crew as well as hotel and restaurant staff (at least, those who speak proper English).

More specifically:

The game plan

Days 1-4: Spread the Gospel exclusively to surfing instructors. No doubt, they are empty, sinful creatures. I will “act” as a normal customer. I will partake in the surfing instructions. I will even surf. Because as Paul says, “If they surf, you must become a surfer.”

Days 5-7: Continue to surf; when done, visit schools and poor villages for premium photo ops

Day 8: Hike a volcano

Days 9-10: Inevitably, hide from the sun to heal your sun burns (God doesn’t always make it easy, does He?)

Days 11-12: Leave gospel tracts for God to work his magic to sushi cooks and barkeeps in some scenic strip of town

Days 13-14: Shopping

How you can help

1. Your prayers (obviously).

2. Your financial donations. If you feel moved to donate, please do! I am poor and could never afford this trip on my own.

3. Your Hawaiian touring suggestions. I have never been! What would you recommend???

I know how this looks. Hawaii is a little flashy. Some may suggest this trip is just an extravagant and expensive vacation, funded through the church and justified by God’s name.

Whoa whoa whoa. Listen, I didn’t ask for God to pick me. I’m sorry you weren’t chosen. Besides, it is not easy bringing God to a new area, wherever it is: tropical, third world, desert. But the Christian is always ready. And I don’t blame you for doubting either, or for your burning jealousy.

What I am saying is that I am up for the challenge of missions, the challenge of stepping outside my comfort zone, and the challenge of seeking and saving the lost. And speaking of LOST, can you still visit its filming location?

Please consider supporting me through my funding website, KevinsHawaiianGodcation.com. When God calls, I answer. Will you?

Thank you in advance,

Kevin

 

#faithbasedsatire