Rochester

Weekend (Ultimate) Warriors: Toronto, Canada

Oh my sweet. I sure do love Canada. You know, for a neighboring country to the north, we sure lucked out. They could’ve been jerks. Maybe they would’ve thought maple syrup was dumb; maybe they would’ve specialized primarily in stick figures. I don’t know, I’m spitballing. Luckily, Canadians are incredible.

Megan and I have a rich history with Canada. We honeymooned in Vancouver and White Rock, and we find the memories fond. The vibrant and varying terrain. The food. The traffic ticket mailed to us three weeks later. Well, that wasn’t so great. But that’s another story for another time.

SIDE NOTE: We still don’t know who was driving during the red light ticket. But let’s just say it wasn’t me.

After we moved to Rochester, I looked up a map of the Upstate area and discovered we lived right underneath Toronto, opposite Lake Ontario. Pretty neat. We initially didn’t have time nor the funds to visit. Thankfully, we finally made the time, if only 36 hours.

So, without further adieu, here’s the next edition of Weekend (Ultimate) Warriors: Toronto.

Touronto

Without traffic, Toronto is about 2.5 hours from Rochester. After passing through Niagara Falls, we headed onto a highway called “Queen Elizabeth Way,” which is about as Canadian a highway name as I could’ve hoped for.

While driving on the Queen E, after shutting off our cell phone data, we remembered our Garmin GPS is a hyper-patriotic robot who refuses to work outside the States. Further, we forgot to withdraw cash, and we were also without tourist maps and city books. After I suffered a thirty-second mini-freakout in my head, chest, and elbows, I discovered the predicament quite refreshing! Unlike New York City, Cleveland, Ithaca, and anywhere in Rochester (where we use Yelp and mobile apps to tell us how to breathe), Megan and I had to rely on our flesh-harddrives (our brains) and our good ol’ fashioned sense of direction to get us around town. Thankfully, Toronto is one of the best laid-out metropolitan cities I’ve ever explored. (more…)

Rochester, NY: Halfway Point (& Beyond)

That’s right, Constant Reader. My wife and I are halfway through our stay in Rochester, NY. Can you believe it? Time flies, I suppose. Junior year at the University of Rochester was no picnic, but I made it nonetheless, Dean’s List, might I add.

According to the muggy thunderstorm that kept me up all night, we’re heading into summer. I hear Rochester is a great place to live in the non-winter months (some people argue it’s a great place to live year-round, but that is neither here nor there). I’m not a big fan of humidity, nor am I a big fan of really hot weather. As it turns out, I’m a baby who was spoiled with a constant breeze of 60 degree, California ocean weather.

SIDE NOTE: We Californians consistently do one thing, and that one thing is complaining about any non-60 degree ocean breeze weather. I’m sorry, but I’m helpless about it. I’m a weather snob.

So what do we do after Rochester? After college? Good questions! Even if they are slightly personal, I don’t mind you asking them. I suppose. Before we know it the next year will be over and it will be time to leave. I really, really need to think seriously about my future. Here are my options, friend, as I see them.

Kevin’s List of Future Possibillitude

1. Apply for financial aid as a “student of life”

2. Launch a new political party and/or morning TV talk show: Kevin & Friends

3. Partner with Applebees for a 30 day food documentary: “Appetizer Me”

4. Solve California’s water crisis by releasing snakes everywhere (people will leave)

5. Publish my passion-project novel, Band Names: Called It!

6. Revolutionize the beverage coaster business

7. Freelance as an evangelical pastor (weekend gig)

8. Protest cat bloggers

9. Discover a cure for cow-licks (more…)

The Mirage of Health (or, Some Body Scream)

Health care is my newest hobby. It’s pretty fun. I’m like the Six Hundred Dollar (deductible) Man. I never had health care growing up, so access is still new to me. The whole “Go to the doctor when you don’t feel right” is a little odd. But when the semester ended, I finally gave in and yelled “ALRIGHT” to my body and took it in for an oil change or three.

SIDE NOTE: This is no Obamacare message, kids; I had to have it for college. Obamacare, however, I have no real issue with despite its $300 million faulty website.

I’ve been playing catch-up. Doctors here, dentists there, dermatologists here, physical therapy there. It’s become apparent that my body is no longer the free-spirited albatross it once was. I used to pass doctor’s offices like a bicycle passes gas stations. “No thanks!” I would yell, though really, I didn’t even see them. But health is something I actually have to think about now.

And you should see me, really, selecting boxes on forms and explaining details to assistants like a novelist. “The pain in my knee visits like an ill-fated wayfarer in late winter’s morn, a bitter kiss of chillness, a choking warmth of distasted familiarity, financing terror in—”

“So it hurts here?”

“Yeah…”

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Weekend (Ultimate) Warriors: Ithaca, NY

There is no better way to rev up summer than by leaving your town as fast as humanly possible. My wife and I are thinking, Hey, let’s get of here! So, Upstate, East Coast, we got your number. Holla atcha boi (and girl).

It’s no secret we that don’t necessarily love where we live. However, there are lots of cool places outside of where we live, and since we will probably move back to the West Coast in the near future, we might as well see as much as we can. Therefore, (i.e., because we need to stay sane), we will be leaving as many weekends as we can afford.

My 2014 summer travel wish list: NYC, Toronto, Cleveland, Boston, Vermont, Wash DC, (other suggestions?). We are also planning on a family reunion in Austin, TX and are hoping to fly back to Idaho for at least a week. Needless to say, it will be a busy summer.

This is not a travel blog, I know. To keep everything balanced, I will continue to post linguistic chaos from my niche world. That is, expect some deep, thoughtful posts very soon. Stuff like, what does God truly want from me, if anything? How do I work to bring Christians together under one roof? Whatever happened to Bananas in Pajamas? and Why did Bananas in Pajamas even exist?

But that is neither here nor there. As for now, enjoy the very first edition of “Weekend (Ultimate) Warriors.” You’re welcome, Blogmerica.

Trip #1: Ithaca, NY

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Attitude Alignment Algorithm (or, Sour Neon Worms)

What’s worse than runner’s knee? Knunner’s ree. But that’s another story for another time.

Yesterday my wife and I were training for our half-marathon—one month away in Cleveland. It was a ten mile run. The weather was a surprising 80 degrees; other people were outside. I waved. Mile 2 my knee became stiff, and I ran through it. Mile 5 my knee seized and my body dug into the asphalt like Iron Man falling from the sky. “Ah poop,” I said.

Kneedy

The great thing about living in Rochester is that I’m constantly given opportunities to have a bad attitude a great attitude. It’s been a tough winter (as I’ve said and said and said) but we’re finally out of it! (Tomorrow a snow storm is expected). And though I’m limping like a sailor, I’m happy to say—

Okay.

I can’t do it.

Guys.

I’ve reached my max here.

This knee thing is the pits. I’m well aware that I signed up for 23 credits with a part-time job and, well, what should I have expected? But this marathon? It was going to be everything. It would represent my ascension into post-Spring semester heaven. I would be running. Those cheering on the sidelines would be yelling, “Kevin, you made the right choice moving to Rochester. Way to go!” Or, “Keep up the good work, Kevin! Never mind the opportunity costs associated with uprooting and college. You’re almost there!” And finally, as I’m given a small cup of water, with extra, because I deserve it: “You can do it! Your wife’s career is mildly suffering but it is worth it for you to study at a private school! Woo!” (more…)

Proof My Life is a Movie and That I’m On To You

My favorite all-time movie is The Truman Show. I think its Jim Carrey’s finest hour on screen (Eternal Sunshine, of course, is a very close second). As a child (1998!), I remember exiting the movie theatre convinced that my life was one big TV show and everybody was in on it. There has since surfaced a mental delusion called Truman Syndrome or The Truman Show Delusion where people believe their lives are really staged plays, TV shows, or films.

I’m proud to say that I am not a sufferer of Truman Syndrome. However, I am on to you bastards. Some strange things have been happening this last week, and the only logical explanation is that I’m trapped inside a hilarious, yet tragically poignant, reality television program and/or movie. (more…)