The Good News for me: I got a job! The Bad News for leisure: I got a job…
Good news indeed! Yes, very much so—especially when considering my recent exploits of turning down Mr. Ponytail without another viable option. The pay is decent enough, I get to learn something new, and the establishment is conveniently close to my living quarters. It’s a store, but I wont mention the name since my employment is still technically in process. The process, you see, has become a bit of a conundrum.
The wonderful people at my (supposed) new job require a full-background check upon employment. This is fine as I have nothing to hide (my secret-agent/ninja experience was wiped clean from official transcripts). The bummer part? They want ten years of addresses.
Ten years?
I don’t know even know where I live now! Is it Rochester?
My first thought was this: Okay. I can do this. Just track back, right? Rochester, Idaho, California, Idaho… That takes care of this year… Oh Lord. I can’t do this!
I’ve definitely moved around more than the average bear; unless, of course, we’re talking carnival bears. But nevertheless, it’s been a wild ride since high-school ended. My lovely wife pointed out that, stability speaking, I’m in probably the worst ten years of my life: the first ten-years after high-school.
NOTE TO SELF: Next year is my ten-year graduation reunion. Don’t go.
My Ninja Plan of Attack
I have two weeks to complete this background thingamajoo. ASAP would be best. So here’s my plan: Calling on all friends, relatives, and enemies, if you’ve seen me, at all, in the last ten years—any where—let me know where that place* was. *Please include the zip-code. Thank you.
“Kevin, that is not a good plan—at all.”
First of all, who named you Mr. Plandsome? Secondly, yes, I know. It’s a terrible plan. So, three cheers for a new plan! I’ve ordered a credit report, hoping my many addresses will be on it. I’m also open to other suggestions*.
*I accept credit for all good ideas.
Until then, I must keep racking my brain: where the hell have I been these last ten years?
Wish me luck as I go forward.
Thanks for your support, kind readers. You’re the best. Here’s a salute to my (and possibly your) decade under the influence:
The Number Kevin 
Congrats…I think. That first line confused me (ha). I recently got a good job that my background check quickly yanked away for the first time in my life: one measly, recent thing on my credit report. &@%^!@* Oh well, good luck on the addresses and your future.
Thanks, Michael! The credit report came through. It’s only sort of right, but it will do for now!
Kevin,
Congratulations on the job! I’m not having as much success as you in that arena, so say a prayer for me. Stop your pulling your hair out. (Geez – what employer is still using this archaic procedure? – 10 years…) Once a year you can request a free credit report from the big 3 credit reporting agencies. They will list all your known addresses (if you notified the post office of your change of address it should be on there). Here are the links – you can call or do it online. If you do it online you can download the things immediately.
https://www.annualcreditreport.com/cra/index.jsp
http://www.usa.gov/topics/money/credit/credit-reports/bureaus-scoring.shtml
Mary,
Thanks for the info! I originally went through Free Credit Report.com. It took two days and didn’t have any of my address info in it! Grrr. I checked the links you sent and that worked great! I officially have my address history now! Woot.
My husband did an internship at a VA hospital and he had to do this too…but he had to have a LETTER OF REFERENCE for each address, and they COULDN’T BE THE SAME PEOPLE! It was ridiculous, calling up his random friend from college who he lived with for a few months one summer to ask for a letter stating that he lived with him. So….good luck! 🙂
That is ridiculous! You always have the best stories, you know that?
I sometimes think it sounds like I’m making things up…but then I remember that it’s all true and think I live in quite a strange life 🙂
Don’t we all, don’t we all…
I heard on the radio of a guy who called the N.S.A. and said, “I’ve lost some personal records and I know you keep tabs on all American citizizens. I was wondering if you would send me copies of your files?”
It’s worth a shot.
YES! Great idea. Fortunately, I don’t need it. The credit report came through. 🙂
I had to provide all my addresses and employers going back to age 18 for my job. I listed 26 addresses and 25 jobs, and that was skipping over a couple of short ones. I feel sorry for the people who had to verify all of it.