Breaking Sad

I’ve been feeling a lot of emotions lately. This moving across country thing, ya know? I’ve been all over the place. Like a good episode of Breaking Bad, I start content but end my day sweaty and angry.

All the packing and repacking and selling and goodbye parties and hugs. After awhile—no matter how much you want to go, now matter how easy it’s been to leave in the past—moving across country, away from everyone you know and love, just sucks. And I’ve been feeling it.

The other day, I nearly broke down in tears after hearing the main theme song from Home Alone 2 in a local toy shop.

HE GAVE THE TURTLE DOVE TO THE PIGEON LADY!!!

Saved by the Bail

We’ve been selling stuff, as mentioned, on Craigslist. The selection is getting thinner which is good. We’re down to the big ticket items like guitar amps and record players. These need to sell, NEED to sell. If they do then we can afford hotel rooms on the way to Rochester. If not, we’ll buy drugs and drive straight through. Well, no.

Craigslist has been affecting my emotional state more than I probably realize.

Every time a potential buyer bails on me (which is often, thank you Craigslist community), I shrug my shoulders; on the inside, though, I’m screaming, “DON”T THEY KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THIS IS?”

“I hate you,” is a text message I also fantasize about sending.

They’re not all bad though. Yesterday, we met a guy at outside a Cabelas to sell an old motorcycle (uhem… moped) helmet. This guy’s head, and that helmet? Match made in Heaven. He looked stout. I could’ve hugged him.

It seemed best to let the stranger leave without a warm embrace.

As he left, I noticed the last link to my scooter was gone. I’ve never talked about my scooter on here before, but let me tell you, I loved it. The scoot was a beast. The Lance Venice, my Lance Venice. 150ccs of pure power. Silver color, 2007 model. 0 to 60 in… well it never quite got to 60, but you get the point. I sold it last year, and God I miss that thing.

I sat there in the parking lot, drunk with emotion, caught between the misery of selling my scooter and the beauty of that stranger’s head wearing my helmet.

Not-so Sweet Emotions

You see what I mean? All these emotions. What’s going on here? This isn’t normal. I’ve been so damn emotional lately! Is this, maybe, the softer side of Kevin, breaking, bursting through the surface like Free Willy?

I’d argue and say that I’ve always had a softer side, in the movies especially. Play me the end of Homeward Bound and I’ll cry my way into puddles. “SHADOW!!!”

Maybe moving across country is just hard. Maybe it was never meant to be easy. Maybe I’m referencing old 90’s movies because I’m afraid of getting older and, right now, looking to the past is easier. Maybe I should’ve talked about my scooter sooner…

Maybe, I’m just breaking sad.

Scooter_Fotor

What’s your response? Any advice? How about a good Craigslist story?

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10 comments

  1. Kevin,

    I feel for you, however, I have moved across country four or five times now and although it was a bit nerve wracking I found the adventure in it. A fresh start, new places, new people, new things to learn. So be nervous, and sad – it isn’t easy leaving those you love, but so much awaits you – so also get jazzed about the adventure. You’re an amazing human being – you’ll do great!

    Mary

  2. Kevin, I’m sorry this move is taking its toll on you. I’ve done cross-country twice…well one and a half times and around-the-world once, so I understand you: this is a life event. The days of shelving things here-and-there are never as monumental as picking it all up and moving it somewhere else. Taxing isn’t the word. And you pulled some heart strings there for a moment…ahem. You’ll get through this. Prayers scaling for you. (And I must praise your writing again. I don’t know if you’ve ever studied writing, but you have some technique. Mood is one of them. I just love reading your blog.)

    1. Hey Mike, thanks so much. Your kind words mean more than you know. It’s very nice to hear from people who have traveled. “Taxing” is a good word; that’s exactly how it feels.

      Despite the negative mood in this post, I’m doing better than you’d expect. I’m actually getting a little excited. I’ll take any prayers (for my wife as well) that I can get!

      Thanks again for your compliments. Your writing is something to praise as well, friend.

  3. Kevin, it is so hard to move again, but I know you will come back home to Gods country, and, to where your family is. we need you. Hope you have a good, safe trip, and that you feel better about everything soon. Love mom

  4. Absolutely beautiful post. I didn’t get the movie references, but can certainly empathize with your emotional roller-coaster. Just remember, what goes down is bound to go up. Or, said more poetically, “Those who sow in tears will reap with shouts of laughter.”

    I’m praying for you, brother.

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